


Sir Dicks-A-Lot

by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)



Series: Kink Bingo [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Lube, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ass to Mouth, Cock Slut Wade Wilson, Come Eating, Dirty Talk, Fucking Machines, It's Wade Though, Knot Pulled Out Too Soon (on accident and on purpose), Knotting Dildos, Massive Knotting Dildo, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Wade Wilson, Self-Fisting, Self-Worth Issues (Mentions), Wade Bought Himself a Present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/MsCaptainWinchester
Summary: Wade buys himself a new industrial-strength toy to get himself through heats, since he can't seem to snag an alpha. What follows is almost definitely the dirtiest solo fic I've ever written. I am not sorry about it.
Series: Kink Bingo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1443547
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Sir Dicks-A-Lot

**Author's Note:**

> This story fulfills the Crying square on my Kink Bingo Card. It also fills the Hot Sex square on my Banned Together Bingo 2020 card.
> 
> Thank you to AnHumbleGoose for the assist with Sir Dicks-A-Lot’s name and doctoring for indulging my random questions mid-sprints. 
> 
> As I said above, this is genuinely the dirtiest thing I have ever written. I woke up this morning with this idea, and wrote it over the course of maybe 6 hours. You're all welcome.
> 
> If I missed a tag you'd like to see, let me know.

Setting the machine up had his blood pumping and slick dripping down his thighs in thick rivulets, distracting him from the work. The hydraulics were a little sensitive, but he managed to get them working smoothly with only a little extra effort. He pushed the on button and watched the wheel rotate the extended arm around to push forward slowly, everything running exactly as expected. He revved it up to the highest setting just to make sure it wouldn’t crap out on him in the finale and grinned as it pumped forward at break-neck speed. His mouth watered watching it, thinking about what that would feel like fucking into him.

He turned it off and pulled out the box with his special attachments, setting them out on the bed so he could spread them all out for assembly, just as he did with his guns. Tubes and the pump attachment first, thick industrial rubber barely giving under the pressure as he tried bending it. No chance of bend cracks causing leaks later on. He wanted all the cream for himself, not on the floor. The attaching arm was next, slick with machine oil and ready to be inserted into the pumping arm. And finally—Wade clapped seeing it, giddy at how perfect it had come out—the enormous dildo with an inflatable knot that he’d had to have specially commissioned. He picked it up and weighed it against his forearm, pleased to see it was just as thick and heavy as he’d hoped. Wade didn’t mind a small dick in him, but sometimes he needed an ass-ruining good stretch, and this was sure to deliver.

He attached the arm to the machine, making sure to click it in place before going to wash his hands. He’d used gun oil for lube before, but this wasn’t Belarus in the middle of a mission, and he had a very different kind of lube in mind for this endeavor. His ass clenched around nothing at the thought of it as he hummed WAP to himself for the full twenty seconds of scrubbing.

The dildo was waiting for him when he got back. Inside the package it came in was also a syringe and a quart jar of 100% Certified Alpha Lube[tm]. He’d read on the website that the lube was made with alpha semen, rendered inert so that it wouldn’t knock him up while it got him off—perfect for a lonely omega looking to spice up their heat. Wade had no problem getting omegas and betas to let him fuck them, but finding an alpha who wanted his scarred up, crazy ass was like trying to get volunteers for a one-way trip to the Sun. You needed clones and shit for that, and probably an X-Men membership card, and they revoked his. A bunch of times.

So instead he had his new bestest friend, Sir Dicks-A-Lot. He inserted the tubing into the as-yet-unnamed dildo (The machine itself had been a no-brainer, but something as special as his beautiful new dildo took time and thought. He already had plans to put a poll up on his Insta.) and attached the other end to the device that would pump in the Alpha Lube at the right time, and then gave it a couple of squeezes to test it. It took four pumps for the lube to make it to the tip of the dildo, where Wade promptly licked it off, humming to himself at the taste and smell of the alpha cum, spicy and a little like pizza. He lapped it up, swallowing with a satisfied smile and positioning the dildo onto the mount. It took a little bit of effort to screw the dildo on, but once in place, it was stuck good when he tested it.

Wade clapped again, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of what was about to happen. He’d been fine while he set the machine up, too focused on getting everything put together correctly to let his creeping heat distract him, but his skin was already on fire and his hormones were starting to make him a little dizzy. It was time to get this show on the road. He hauled the bed closer to the machine so that the edge of the mattress just touched the base on the floor and the dildo jutted out two feet over the bed, the perfect height for a good, deep dicking. He dropped his leopard print panties and jumped onto the bed, bouncing a little and sending the pumps and corded dials flying in every direction, laughing to himself. “You’re gonna fuck me nice and good, aren’t you, baby?” he cooed at the machine, stroking the dildo with heart eyes.

He crawled around on the bed until he’d gathered all the knobs and pumps into easy reach and got up on his hands and knees, reaching behind him to gather some of the copious slick that was already dripping out of him to slick up the head of the dildo. He fingered himself again for a few minutes, enjoying the simple stretch of three thick fingers in his ass until he was ready for more. He grabbed the shaft of the dildo and rubbed the head over his hole, slipping over it and sliding in just a bit before sliding back out again, teasing himself. He hummed his pleasure, rocking his hips back in small circles, dipping in just the tip, then out again, a vision in his head of a massive alpha kneeling behind him, calling him a little bitch in heat.

“Fuck me, alpha,” he whined to the imaginary alpha, pressing back harder until the first few inches finally slid in. “Oh…” he sighed, sharp lights flashing behind his eyes as he finally got a feel for the full girth of his new friend. “Oh fuck yeah,” he moaned, pushing further onto it until it was so far in him it was touching parts of his insides he didn’t even know could make him hot.

He rocked back on the dildo a few times, pushing more and more of the thick shaft into him until the pleasure felt like too much and he was going to fall apart. And then he reached for the control and turned it on.

“OH FUCK,” he shouted as the dildo slowly dragged out of him directly over his prostate and then sank back in like an insistent fist to the ass. His muscles gave out and he flopped onto his face and shoulders on the bed, temporarily unable to hold himself up against the slick slide of it. His vision whited out for a minute. He panted into the sheets, the soft chenille getting stuck on his tongue, but he was too blissed-out to care. The dildo kept pumping into him, slow drag out, followed by a slow thrust back in, the angle almost painful with his shoulders on the bed.

He took a deep breath and got back onto his hands, twisting the dial a little higher to test out how it felt. The thrusting got faster and somehow _deeper,_ and Wade cried out again, nearly falling back onto his face. “Oh fuck, alpha, you fill me up so good. Fuck me harder,” he whined, pushing the dial up even farther. The dildo shoved against his prostate and up against his bladder at a breakneck speed, a loud wet sound picking up with each thrust as Wade’s slick was fucked back into him. He dropped his head between his hands, his elbows trembling from the challenge of keeping him upright as his first orgasm was suddenly fucked out of him. He sprayed cum all over the bed underneath him as he cried out, one leg twitching out to the side uncontrollably.

The dildo kept fucking right into him, squelch, squelch, squelch, without pause, not caring that he could barely function with how good and tingly he felt. He had to take deep breaths to stay on his hands, the dildo continuing to fuck into his already over-sensitive prostate. He reached over for the dial and pushed it up another few notches, screaming as the fat shaft fucked hard and fast into him. He was panting now, his toes spasming with each knew spike of pleasure. “Fuck, alpha, you fuck me so good. Make my slut hole so big and open for your fat cock.” He bit at his bare arm during a particularly sharp thrust to muffle a keening sound. “Yeah, fuck, harder,” he groaned, shoving his hips back until he could feel his hole sucking the entire dildo up inside him and closing around the much smaller steel rod base. The machine didn’t let him keep it, though, pulling out and shoving back in until his rim felt raw and just this side of too-painful sensitive.

Another orgasm spilled out of him, shaking him to the core and knocking him onto his elbows as more cum gushed out of him. He looked down between his arms to see his thighs glistening with thick white slick, his hard dick trembling, and fat string of cum dribbling from his slit to the pool on the bed. Behind his dick, the dildo shoved on relentlessly. “Unf…” he grunted, biting his lip until he tasted copper.

He reached over and pushed the dial up all the way, the machine quietly pumping into him like a jackhammer. “OHGAFUCKYESHFUCKALPHAFUCK,” he called out, dropping his head into his hands, barely managing to stay on his elbows. The dildo was shoved so quickly into him he thought he might actually get internal bruising and didn’t fucking care.

He reached down slowly and took hold of his dick, wincing at how sensitive it was, gently wrapping his fist around it with a shaking arm. The dildo was ramming at his prostate, making him twitch uncontrollably. His entire body felt like it was on fire, sweat dripping down his face and chest, damp spots visible on the bed cover under his elbows. Wade began slowly stroking himself, careful not to blow his load too quickly while he got used to the dual sensation of being so thoroughly, brutally fucked and fucking into his own hand. “Yeah alpha, pound that hole. Make me so loose you could drive a train through that hole, fuck yes, just like that,” he moaned, dropping his cheek onto the arm still braced on the bed so he could watch the machine fuck furiously into him while his dick was forced into his hand over and over again, faster than he could ever managed himself.

His forth orgasm began building at the back of his senses, creeping up on him even as he barreled towards it. He could feel his limbs start to lose strength as the first waves blew over him, and he reached over to the pump, squeezing until the knot was big enough to lodge deep inside him and pulled him backwards and forwards with each thrust. He cried out, tears pouring from his eyes and streaming down his face as another load spilled out of his dick. He reached for the dial and pushed it down to a more tolerable speed, needing a bit of a break to catch his breath and enjoy the incredible fullness of the knot inside him. It felt wider than a fist, almost the size of a grapefruit, stretched him almost too much.

He smiled to himself, the machine gently rocking his hips back and forth with its thrusts, the knot held firmly inside his rim, sparking new bursts of pleasure from his used body like the ghost of orgasms past.

Wade let himself rest for a few minutes, rocking gently back with the machine. He wiped the sweat and tears from his face with the edge of the blanket, reached over to grab a water bottle from the bedside crate and gulped it down.

When he felt a little more stable, he looked down at the huge puddle of his own cum still soaking into the blanket and dipped two fingers into it, bringing them up to his mouth to suck up his own cum. This was already the best idea he had ever had, but what would make it even better would be to have another person with him, cheering him on as the fuck machine turned him into a mess again while he choked on their dick. He sucked his fingers deeper into his mouth thinking about it, rocking his hips back a little harder on the dildo and not caring how over-sensitive it made him.

He was just thinking about turning it off so he could go grab a snack before doing it all again when he accidentally knocked the dial, pushing it up a few notches. He cried out, collapsing onto his hands again at the unexpected intensity of the knot shoving harder against his prostate. And then suddenly the knot was being tugged out of him, stretching him too wide and sending him to his shoulders again with tears rolling down his face. “Ow, fuck—Oh. Oh, fuck,” he grunted, pained protests turning to surprise as the knot was shoved back in his hole again, only to be forcefully thrust out again a half-second later.

This was… unexpected. His hole was already raw from the hard fucking, made more so by the repeated pressure of a too-large knot dragging in and out of him. Wade’s legs began to twitch with every thrust, thighs shaking so hard he could barely stay upright as he crept closer and closer to another blinding orgasm. The squelching of slick and lube fucked in and out grew louder until it nearly overpowered the sound of the machine. Wade couldn’t feel his toes or his fingers, but he felt too good and too sharp everywhere else to notice. He could barely see through the tears in his eyes. A blurry vision of his erection, nearly purple with blood, swayed between his shaking thighs, the bloated knot just visible behind his bruised, swinging balls as it was shoved back into him. He clenched his fingers together, but he couldn’t feel the pain of how tightly even though both hands were bone-white between scar tissue.

He was sobbing, he realized, yelling uncontrollably as the enormous knot battered his prostate. His orgasm punched out of him like a blow to the sternum, sending him sobbing onto his front in the puddle of cum, unable to feel anything as his vision blacked out.

He came to an unknown length of time later to the relentless motion of dildo still pumping in and out of him. He’d slumped too far forward for the knot to still reach his hole, but a good three inches of fat cock was still fucking him like his life depended on it. He fumbled around for the dial, having trouble getting his fingers to work long enough to turn it off. The dildo finally fell out of him with a wet sound that echoed in the suddenly quiet room.

Wade lay there on his front, panting, ass still in the air, for a long time, his arms flopped out to the sides of him and his dick uncomfortably wet. He could feel his ass clenching and unclenching around the open air, the slick cool on his skin without friction to warm it up. He wanted to find a mirror or his phone to take a picture of it and see just how fucked open he was, but laziness kept him flopped face-first on the mattress. He wasn’t sure if he could get up even if he wanted to, fast healing or not. Everything felt like a buzzing, shivering mess. He had to have been out for at least ten minutes, but he was still feeling aftershocks. Phantom feelings of still being fucked raw.

Slowly, with a Herculean effort, he climbed back up to his hands and looked down his torso to survey the damage. There was cum all over him, somewhere in the process of drying to his skin and the bedding. He was probably going to have to throw out his favorite chenille blanket, but that taught him to buy a back-up, didn’t it? He looked over to his bedside crate and grabbed his phone, contorting himself on his shoulders again to stretch his arm back far enough to get a good shot of his ass. It took a few tries to get the angle right and keep his ass in focus, but when he finally brought the phone back to his face to see, he forgot how to breathe for a minute.

His ass was a deep red, the last vestiges of bruising just visible, gaping so wide he could easily fit his fist inside and his hands weren’t small, thick cream wetting his rim and making him look like a fuck-out whore. He dropped the phone in front of his face so he could still see the pic as he reached back and tested, moaning as his fist slid right in to the wrist without effort, his ass warm and so wet around his hand. He thrust his fist in a few times, but ended up twitching too much, still way too oversensitive after such hard usage. His body seemed to know he wanted a slower healing process for this, but it would heal. And then he was going to fuck himself on that machine all over again, because fucking fuck did he feel _incredible_.

He grinned to himself, staring starry-eyed at the picture as he slow-fucked his own fist for a lazy few minutes before finally pulling out and sitting up, ass making obscene wet noises as a whole glob of alpha lube slipped out onto the bed. Definitely going to have to burn the bed coverings, but totally worth it. Ignoring the mess, he turned around on his knees to look at the dildo, dripping with cum and slick and thin streaks of blood. Wade looked at it closely, licking his lips, thinking about his fantasy of having an alpha’s thick knot stuck behind his teeth, cock choking him until he passed out. And then he stuck his tongue out and licked the tip.

His eyes rolled back in his head on a groan, the taste of his slick mixed with the taste of unknown alpha was too delicious to pass up. He slid his mouth around the head and began slowly swallowing what he could, finding it hard for even him to be able to take it all. He had a big mouth, but even he was going to need a little practice. He suckled what he could, sucking the alpha flavor out of the tip and slurping up slick all along the shaft, letting his face get as messy as his ass in an effort to clean it all up.

When it was all clean, he sat back on the bed again with a satisfied little smile and felt his ass clench together, ghost sensations of the dildo ramming up his ass hitting him every few moments. He had a feeling he would be feeling this dicking in his ass for weeks, well after he was healed and his heat was over with. But for now, he needed a snack and a clean-up before going for round two. _Or round six_ , he thought, giggling to himself.

He stroked the shaft a few times with a smile, watching as his fingers barely touched around it. And maybe he could practice a bit more of that deep-throating, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not consent to my stories being listed on Goodreads or other book platforms.
> 
> If you want writing updates from me, you can follow me on Twitter [@RonsPigwidgeon](https://twitter.com/RonsPigwidgeon), [Tumblr](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/), [NewTumbl](https://mscaptainwinchester.newtumbl.com/), or [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/MsCaptainWinchester).
> 
> And if you'd like to come yell about my main ship, Spideypool, with me, join the 18+ Discord server I co-mod, [Isn't It Bromantic](https://discord.gg/w6UyAn7)!


End file.
